Numb

Recently I have been having crazy mixed emotions. I have been feeling happy…but at the same time, sad. I feel so completely detached from the rest of the world, but so in-tune with my spiritual side. I feel so alone, yet surrounded by people, and some VERY AMAZING friends at that. I just…I don’t know what I feel at the moment. I feel like I want to share my life with someone, but I have that opportunity with a couple of people, but no one really interests me. (Except for him.) But I can’t have him. I know that. I’m OK with that…but that doesn’t stop me thinking about him…or doesn’t stop me being jealous of other girls in his life. Nor does that stop me from not wanting anyone else.

The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to those things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that.

I saw this yesterday…and realised just how true it is. There is no logic, no explanation…it just is. And sometimes it really sucks.

I’m not really in the mood to write tonight because I’m tired and cannot find the words to express the numbness that I’m feeling…so I guess I’m just going to leave it at that. Hopefully soon I’ll have something decent to say, or worth mentioning.

Anyway,…tomorrow is the start of a new week. I’ve been saying for the past few weeks that I’m going to get back into strict eating and getting very active again…and I haven’t. So hopefully this week I’ll actually put my words into action. I guess it’s been OK that I haven’t been too into it lately because it’s been winter, so I kinda forgive myself. But tomorrow…a fresh new week. And it’s spring now. Time to get healthy again and reinvent myself πŸ™‚

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