About a week ago a close friend of mine told me that he thinks if I were the last person on earth…I would be ok. I have this crazy ability to keep myself entertained for the majority of the time. I rarely need company or human interaction, because I find it all within myself. I wasn’t quite sure how to take it at first, I just kinda laughed it off because I do talk to myself, even have discussions and sometimes arguments with myself, but hearing that if I was the only person left on earth and that I would be fine…struck me a little because I also do like being around people and having other peoples thoughts, ideas, opinions, company, etc. However, that being said, over a few days after he said that I started thinking about it a lot more seriously, and after talking to another close friend who needs constant human interaction and someone to rely on, he made me realise just how independent I really am. And how I don’t really need people all that much. I get by with my life on my own. I rarely ask for help, I rarely need anyone for anything.
I deeply thought about it for a while, and noticed that I am very independent and I don’t rely on anyone for (almost) anything. The second friend asked me how I do it, how I am so strong and fine with being on my own. And the only answer I could offer him, was that I was used to it. Being alone, knowing how to survive and how to deal with things on my own is all I know. I’ve had people walk in and out of my life so often that I’ve come to rely on only myself. I can go for days, weeks, probably even months without being in contact with people (or certain people, because let’s face it, I still need my parents and immediate family the most). I don’t think I’m a closed person as such though, I just have learnt to handle things on my own, because I had to. And sometimes life is easier to be on your own.
I don’t really see this as a depressive or cynical thing though, more of a reality. But I guess in saying that I’ve never really had anyone in my life to prove otherwise. I hope people don’t think I’m fishing for sympathy, because I’m really not. I’m actually pretty happy with my life (in most aspects) right now anyway 🙂
Even at home, I live with my brother and his girlfriend, yet we both do everything separately. I shop differently to them, so I cook by and for myself and we rarely ever eat together. But it doesn’t bother either of us. I have lived in houses with people varying from 1 other housemate, to 6 at one point (over the last 2 years), and I have always just been in charge and taking care of myself. And I’ve been fine with that. But it’s at a point now where I actually struggle to cook a meal for more than one person. I am so used to making enough for me, and making what I enjoy that I don’t know how to cater for other people and their tastes. And I’m not used to other people including me on their meal plans (unless it’s a pre-organised dinner or some form of catch up).
Anyway…this is maybe something I need to fix or improve on in some way…