A couple of years ago I realised that I have a fairly addictive personality. Now, others may define that a different way, but what I mean by having an “addictive personality” is that I become addicted to things quickly and easily and tend to binge on this ‘thing’ that I’m addicted to until I’ve had enough or get sick of it. I can get addicted to foods, styles of music, songs in particular, TV shows, games, personal habits, etc. I would try something new and then find a love for it, which would soon turn into an addiction or obsession, until the time passed and I slowly lost the desire for it. But one thing I never really considered to be possible, and that I noticed the other day, is that I can also become addicted to people. And I have very much done so in the past few years.
I read the book The Celestine Prophecy recently and there’s one part in it where it mentions the idea of not letting yourself get addicted to a person. That got me thinking about the fact that right now I am currently, somewhat, addicted to one person in particular. This, then led me to think back on my last few years, and that, a number of times, I have been addicted to certain people. It usually begins with a new friend, or a new friendship, and I talk with this friend very often. At first it may start with every few days, but then the relationship gets stronger in a way, and I find myself talking to them every single day. The conversations are usually a mix of light-hearted chit-chat, to really deep, philosophical or emotional problems. Some time last year I started talking to this one person (let’s call him/her X), once the stage had become a daily engagement of communication, I found myself getting irritated if I didn’t hear from X for a whole day. We were communicating through various forms of mediums, texts, facebook, instagram, all at the one time. Usually different conversations on each medium, but nevertheless, the contact was there. Sometimes I would try to make myself not communicate with X because I was feeling like I was being needy. The thing is though, it was never a romantic addiction or anything like that, it was simply, just a friendly relationship that I needed a dose of that person each and every day to get through. Then, slowly, my attention and communication with X just started to drop. I haven’t lost this person as a friend, but I just started to realise I didn’t need to communicate with them every day to feel good about myself, (and, I can’t recall the exact timing of it all, but), chances are that I started to lose communication with X because I found someone new and infinitely more gravitating to talk to.
So, right now I am, semi-struggling with this person-addiction. I am really doing my best to not be in constant communication with this person, but it’s always a lot harder when you’re significantly lonely, and not to mention, also live alone and therefore have no one else that I can talk to day in, day out. And…at the end of the day…any other person will never be THAT person. Like I said, it’s still not a romantic addiction, it’s just, weird.
But, now that I have noticed that this is a problem for me, I can begin to take steps in fixing this problem. I’m not too sure how to do it, or what steps to take, but I’m going to do my best to not get addicted to people. As they say, the first step is recognising and admitting that you have an addiction or problem. So I guess this is my beginning.