In recent conversations with someone, I have realised how much I cannot stand people who are control freaks. I am far from being a controlling person, and I have taken a look at every single one of my friends and noticed that I don’t become friends with people who control other people, especially those that attempt to control me. I do not, and will never allow myself to be controlled by someone. I don’t believe in controlling anyone for any reason. I don’t think it’s a healthy way of life, certainly for me anyway. If someone tries to control me by telling me what I should wear, what I should do, who I should be friends with, where I should live, etc, I will, than likely avoid them, and their opinions. Or at least try and get them to see that they can’t control me and my actions. You do not own me. Nobody owns me. I guess to an extent when I was a child I had to be controlled by my parents, but now that I am 26 and completely independent and individualistic, I don’t need someone telling me what to do. I’m going to make my choices on my own. This life is mine to make. My mistakes to make, my path to take. The choices may be influenced by other people, sure, and I’m the type of caring person who considers others feelings when I make decisions that would involve or affect them, but ultimately it is not in any way, shape or form, your choice. Your opinion is welcome, don’t get me wrong, but preferably in a way that shows that you respect my wishes either way.
On the contrary, I’m also not going to enjoy your company if you don’t have your own opinions and beliefs. I like the notion of bouncing ideas and opinions off people and the challenges that arise from having different points of view, but the thing I believe in the most is respecting the other person’s views. Don’t tell them that they are wrong or stupid, let them believe what they want to and respect their lives and their choices. That being said, I must point out that I am a highly flexible person, and the times where I don’t mind ‘what we do today’ or ‘what we have for dinner’, I literally, don’t mind. If I have a particularly strong view on something, I’ll point it out, but if not, I’m happy to go with the flow. For example, the other day, discussing what to have for dinner, I didn’t mind what we had, I could have easily eaten what the group had decided on. I did point out that I didn’t want pizza, but anything else, I would be cool with. Make sense?
This is one of the big reasons I get along with my brother so well, he has so much respect for me and what I chose to do and the decisions I make, and it is reciprocated from me to him. He never judges me for the things I do, he doesn’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t be doing. He points out his thoughts and opinions but he never forces me to believe or do anything that I don’t want to. And sometimes we have completely opposing attitudes about things, but we don’t try to change the other person, we agree to disagree sometimes. That’s how it should be. In my case anyway. I don’t want to control people, because everyone has a right to be who they are and I prefer people with ideas and opinions of their own. I will never force someone to be who they’re not, and I will never let someone force me to be whoever I am not. No one gets to say how my life “should” be. It is not your life. If my best friend wanted to jump on the next plane and live halfway around the world from me to pursue her dreams, then I would let her. I may inform her that it would suck being apart from her, but I would never tell her to not go.
I guess the day that I realised that I won’t be pushed around by other people and their ideas of how my life should be was the day back in highschool that I watched the movie The First Wives Club. I don’t recall the movie to its exact storyline – something about divorced women, which I clearly was not at that stage of my life (nor am I now) – however at the end of that movie the three of them sing a song by Lesley Gore called “you don’t own me” and I guess I never really truly realised until now that that’s who and what I am all about.
This post isn’t to or about anyone in particular, and I’m aware that it may come across a bit angry and bitter, but I’m not really angry or bitter, I’m just simply stating that I will not put myself in a position to be controlled by people. (With the exception of a career/job.) And I’m a big believer in not telling people what to do for simple tasks at work or something, but asking. A simple “can you please…” will go a long way with me. I guess what it really comes down to…is respect. I feel a lot of people don’t have enough respect in today’s world.
I think this song really sums it up quite perfectly. It always makes me cheerful and positive 🙂