I’ve been thinking about this for a little while now but I could never really find the words to say what I am feeling and thinking. So this daily prompt is really going to push me to force out whatever I can on this.
I live in a house. But I do not feel “at home”. It is a mere structure where I keep most of my stuff, but stuff doesn’t really mean anything. Home is where the heart is, and I don’t feel like I belong here. I feel a bit like I am just residing in someone elses home. And I guess to an extent, I am. Last night I went for an evening stroll down along the beach and I instantly felt comfortable and at ease. It was freezing because the wind was so cold and the sun had just set, but I didn’t mind all that much. Which is a bit odd because I don’t much enjoy the cold and it often puts me into a state of depression.
Upon having to head back to where I live, I dreaded the thought of going “home”. I didn’t feel like being around people (I wouldn’t mind if they were certain people who I am missing or super comfortable around), but the people I live with, are, in a sense, strangers. And I wasn’t interested in being surrounded by that. I hope soon that I move into a place that I will feel is more my own and I can let my wings open a bit because right now I’m feeling a bit shut off from the world and I don’t really like it when I get into those moods.
Hmmm…I don’t think I’ve conveyed well what I’m getting at. But that’s one of the beautiful (and sometimes annoying) things about feelings. Sometimes they are not completely definable – ? Sometimes you can’t put into words the feelings you get. That really kinda annoys me because I like to write about my thoughts and feelings as a way to express them and understand them for my own perspective (and sometimes for others). Maybe that’s another thing I need to work on within myself. I enjoy learning and creating myself. It’s a wonderful and fun journey this life is. And it is all mine 🙂
Have a great weekend lovely people. Peace and Love.