Firstly, I feel it’s quite evident in some of my blog posts at the moment that my uni subject Sexuality and Society is really making me think this semester – probably more so than any other subject before. One thing (of many) that we have been covering is the notion of polygamy. For those of you who don’t know what polygamy is – it’s the act of having more than one wife/husband/lover/partner at the same time. Now, the general population would shriek at the mere thought of this, and would automatically assume “cheating” is involved. I can assure you, polygamists are not “cheaters”, it is about these people knowing and accepting these aspects of their partners and relationships. And it’s also not always about the man having 10 wives, as most people think. There is an abundance of variations of polyamorous relationships, even including group marriages which can consist of 2 wives and 2 husbands.
Personally, I can’t say much about what I would be like if I was in a monogamous relationship and my partner wanted to have sex with another person, because I’ve never really been in a serious monogamous relationship like that. However, I sometimes wonder if the reason I haven’t, is because I fear I wouldn’t be able to cope with a monogamous relationship. I do often think (when I have been monogamous with someone) “is there someone better/different out there for me?” which sounds like a terrible thing to think when you are in a monogamous relationship, but maybe that’s just it, maybe that that’s why I’ve never really succeeded in one. Maybe some people weren’t built to be monogamous. Is that such a bad thing? Who says that humans are supposed to be monogamous anyway? Society. It’s society that tells us we NEED to find ONE person, and one person ONLY to spend the REST of our lives with. Well, no. Sorry society, but I disagree with this. Sure some people might want that – and that’s completely fine by me. Everyone is entitled to their own values and beliefs. But I don’t think it’s fair to box EVERYONE into this category of NEEDING to be monogamous. I mean, we all have different and numerous friends for various reasons, because each one offers us a unique friendship. So why are we so pressured into finding just ONE partner that is supposedly meant to fulfil ALL our desires? We don’t do that when it comes to friends, so why do we do it when it comes to a life-partner? Maybe it should be ok to have different lovers who can fulfil you sexually, emotionally, mentally, physically, without having to try to roll all of that into one person and ultimately ‘settling’ for someone who doesn’t satisfy you completely. You know? But if one does person does satisfy you completely, then that’s great too. But then is it so wrong to want to have sex with other people too? Sometimes polygamy can be a better, more stable relationship because they are all so open and honest with each other.
If anyone has any opinions on this, I’d love to hear them because it’s such an extremely interesting topic that I’m loving learning about. We’ve heard a few case studies in class on polyamory – there’s some fantastic stories out there – and I can’t help but think sometimes ‘what a great idea!’ if being in a multi-partner relationship works for you, then that should be accepted.
I think that’s my main point – which always seems to arise in my posts – a greater acceptance in the world 🙂