That time at Alcatraz

Back in about 1997 I think it was, my family went on a trip to America, and one of our adventures was to the famous Alcatraz. We had the old school cassette tape tour (as I assume it’s updated to mp3 players or something now), and I was a tad late at pushing play in time with the rest of the family, so my tape was about a minute or so behind everyone else. Anyway, as we’re walking through the prison and looking at all sorts of things while being guided by our little tapes in what to do and where to go, there was a part where we were led into the solitary confinement grounds of the prison. At this point, the tape told me to put my hands over my eyes to get the feeling of what it would have been like to be put into one of the solitary cells. Naturally – I did just as the tape said. But because my tape was a bit behind the rest of my family, they had already walked off to the next section as per their tapes instructions. Then, little old me eventually removed my hands from my eyes (and giving myself time to adjust to the bright lights again) and I couldn’t see any family member in sight. I started to panic a little bit as I thought they had all moved on and forgotten about me. I felt like they didn’t care enough and just continued on without waiting for me.

The reason I’m telling this story here and now is because I just realised that is how I feel again; albeit in a totally different scenario, but the result is more or less the same. I feel like since Christmas day 2013, everyone just walked off and went their own ways and left me standing in the middle of a big, scary, place where I couldn’t find them or my way out. It’s a lonely, sad, and confusing place to be. I feel like that lost child all over again that no one remembered to care about because everyone was too busy carrying on with their own lives. And I was the only one who didn’t have my own life to carry on with. I felt like my ‘own’ life revolved around all of them together, so when they all walked out, I had no one. And nothing.

So this is me. Now trying to find my own way.

And in the words of Lifehouse – Trying:

“Well I haven’t got it all figured out quite yet but
Even if it takes my whole life to get to where I need to be
And if I should fall to the bottom of the end
I’ll be one step back to you, and

I’m trying to find my way
To find my way the best that I know how
Trying to find my way…”

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