Vulnerable

  

I realised I have a problem with telling people how I feel/what I think about them. I don’t lie to them at all, but I’m just not as open as I could or should be. I noticed this the other week when I told a guy I thought he was a “total babe” – I actually don’t think I’ve ever called someone a “babe” before, definitely not in the way that I said it to him! And I’m not good with telling people that I think they’re attractive or anything. I don’t really know why…I think it’s because it means once I let those sorts of thoughts and feelings out, it makes me vulnerable to them and they then have the power to hurt me. I guess in a way it’s similar to telling someone that you love them, because when you tell someone that you love them, you’re giving them the power to potentially destroy you, but of course trusting them not to. So when telling someone that I think they’re “hot” or something of the likes, it means I let my guard down, and it gives them the power. The power to hurt you I guess. And that’s scary. Especially being hurt and having my heart-broken many times before.

I don’t know, maybe it’s because I grew up in a family that wasn’t completely open with one another and we never really told each other that we loved them often enough, which has in turn made me fearful of telling others how I feel about them to their face. Another flaw I’ve noticed within myself that I’d like to work on and change. I’m fine with writing feelings – that I have no problem with. I’ve always known that, that I’m better at writing someone a letter stating these things that saying it out loud to them. I also have no problem telling someone ELSE when I think someone is hot, or sexy, or attractive etc, but I’ve never been good at saying it to that particular person’s face.

Why?

I couldn’t really tell you.

But it’s something I hope to change. Because I think it’s healthy to tell people these sorts of things.

Regardless of how vulnerable it makes you feel.

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