I want my kids to know me*

*if I ever have kids.

During recent conversations with my nan and aunty (my mum’s sister), I have gotten to know more about what my mum was like when she was younger…and also a little bit about dad when he first came in the scene. I’ve said to my brother countless times in the past that we never really heard much about our parents teenage lives and stuff; to which I’d always wanted to know, but sometimes it’s weird asking, you know? So I always felt a bit sad and upset that they didn’t openly share with us their ‘golden years’ I guess you could say.

Anyway, during chats with my aunty today and her showing me lots of old photos from back when they were kids, I realised how much I would love to share my life with the kids I hope to have in the future. I am under no illusion that I may not have kids one day…but I maintain the fact that even if I don’t have my own kids, I will adopt. And with that, I will not treat them any different to what I would if I had any children of my own flesh and blood.

Regardless – as that’s not the point – the point is that I want to remember and document my life from now on (and collate my past) so that one day I can share that with my children because I want them to know me. I want them to know the life I have led…the good times, and the bad, and everything in between. I want them to not be afraid to be open and honest with me and to tell me everything. Bottom line is, that I want that closeness that we never really had. I mean I have that with my brother now…and I guess with nan recently too, but even with my brother, it took time and effort for us to get to that point. But I’m so thankful for the bond that we have now because he’s seriously my best friend in the entire world. And I am his. And right now I feel like my nan is another best friend. And I want that with my children – from the beginning, until the end.

That is all.

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