So, I cried. I sobbed. I bawled my eyes out. I curled in a ball and let everything come pouring out. After semi-keeping it together at work all day despite being on the verge of bursting into tears multiple times, I got in my car, drove home and fell onto my bed with tears dropping everywhere.
I got a text today that informed me of something. Something that hurt me. But what hurts more is the fact that this person couldn’t even tell me at an earlier time. There were plenty of opportunities for him to tell me, but he didn’t take them. And that really fucking hurts. I feel undervalued, and I feel that he didn’t respect me enough to tell me these things. You know what sucks though? I’ve used that exact same sentence about not feeling ‘respected enough to be told’ to the person who broke me completely before I met the one who fixed me – which is who I speak of in this post. (If you can piece the bits together) Coincidental? Pity I don’t believe in coincidences.
I just feel like a fool, and that our “open communication” wasn’t as open as I thought it was.
Anyway, finding out what I did raises a whole heap of questions now that I’ll probably never get answers to. And it prompts my own questions of the person that I am. Maybe I’m too trusting? Maybe I give too much of myself to people? Maybe I’m too sensitive? Maybe I wonder too much. Maybe this isn’t actually about me at all. But that doesn’t stop me from being confused, upset, hurt, and disappointed.
I wish I had answers.
I wish I didn’t hurt so much.
I wish people weren’t afraid of saying what’s really going on.
But I still miss him.
It’s been a while since I’ve had a big cry, so maybe I just needed it. After all, the moon and stars are on crazy paths at the moment. It’s also been a long while since I’ve listened to Maria Mena…so I thought these lyrics fit a bit right now.